Were my wedding to happen some day (which I hope it does), I would want to have a menu. On this menu would be many options. One of them would be entitled "The Real Man." It would be a tofu dish.
I've been thinking a lot lately about gender, particularly the male variety. A big part of this is because, when working with Residence Life here at WWU, gender is a topic which comes up quite a bit. One of the most common aspects of that conversation is the constructed nature of gender, the idea that one's gender is constantly being refined and shaped by the culture in which one finds themselves. Many coming from a Christian perspective balk at this notion. I, however, have begun to think that it has more legitimacy than many would admit.
Much of this legitimacy can be seen in the effort which is made to assert what the "proper" style of gender is for any particular culture. Take this bottle of Old Spice's attempt, for example.
"Old Spice Denali body wash has a brisk, airy scent that reminds men of wide-open plains, azure skies and a particularly smooth and hydrated mountain made out of skin. Also, this mountain has a cool car."
Knowing anything about Old Spice, it's pretty clear that this is meant to be at least in some way comical. Many (more than we might think, anyway), take this seriously, however. This is what masculinity means to plenty of people, being the proverbial mountain, who also has a cool car. To many, this seems silly, particularly those who attempt to find masculinity in a Biblical manner. The very fact that anyone takes this seriously, though, makes it so that we have no excuse to not engage with this thinking in some way.
More importantly, Christianity cannot critique the idea of gender formation in an unbiassed fashion, if for no other reason than the fact that it is intimately involved in that very same process. The Bible (and more dangerously sometimes our interpretation of it) has a very specific image of what it thinks the terms men and women should mean. Often, this notion clashes with the one put forward by the world. For example, scripture asserts (and I agree) that it is not in fact acceptable for me to hit on everything that moves because I am a man. My culture might say differently, in some cases.
Living in a setting in which I get several very different interpretations of what it means to be a "real man" has inspired me to undertake a great deal of thinking on the meaning of that term. Many people think I don't live up to this idea. Some think this because I haven't had sex (and will not until marriage) since I committed my life to Christ. Other think this because I don't eat meat. Still others feel I'm missing the mark because of my understanding of how genders should interact. Whatever the case may be, it is hardly an easy task for an individual, using myself as a case study, to interpret what it means to be a "real man."
I say most of this because this is a conversation I think the Church needs to get into. I wholeheartedly believe in the model of masculinity put forward in scripture. The tough part is figuring out how to live that out in a way that doesn't completely ostracize me from society. It is too simple, and tragically unloving, for me to simply say "I am male, which means 'x', 'y', and 'z', and if you think differently your wrong and stupid." When Christ followers begin to explore the meaning and purpose behind the Biblical understanding of gender, I believe that the opportunity will come about which will allow God's understanding of gender to not be what our culture sees it as, an archaic, tragically heavy-handed power dynamic. God is not in the business of draconically subverting people. He is in the business of loving them. Entering into the current conversation on gender in a healthy way will allow the Church to show the world just that.
So enjoy "The Real Man", not the tofu dish, but the person. Made with love.
With His love and grace,
Taylor
