Am I allowed to like me?

From time to time, I try not to like myself. This doesn't come from any deep self-loathing, but rather just a desire to remain humble. Humility is something which has become increasingly important to me as I have begun the process of determining who I am and what I am supposed to do. This process, though often not fun, tends to involve discovering what one is good at, which is indeed a fantastic feeling. It fills one with bubbles and sunshine to finally come to the realization that they are meant to (or at least have convince themselves that they are meant to) do something, whatever that may be. In my own journey, however, I have found that this journey can also leave one covered in the incredibly icky feeling that is pride. I would equate unhealthy pride to being covered in flan. I have just realized that two key points must be noted in order to understand my writing, which shall be interjected now.

1. I am a Christian. The primary focus of my life is to follow after Christ, doing my best to live as He lived and work with Him in bringing His Kingdom to this world. Being the primary focus of my life, my identity as a Christian has a significant impact on all that I do, including my writing.

2. Flan is gross. In light of this grossness, the idea of being covered in it is truly revolting.

Now that I have cleared that up, let us continue. Unhealthy pride is indeed gross. In my experience, it leaves me feeling as though a wrongness has invaded my very soul. In light of this aversion to pride, I must admit that I find it quite odd that I am being led towards creating a blog. Looking into a minute portion of the vast wealth of blogs available on the internet, I found that, whatever their topic or purpose (ranging from beautiful photography to moving writing to daily updates on the activity of your neighbor's cat), there tends to be an intense focus on the self. The exception to this is of course the woman who chooses to blog about her cat, but even then she constantly has to bring up the fact that it is her cat, which I feel proves my point and shows a need for that woman to let her cat shine on its own. Go, neighbor cat, go and live your life.

Despite my silliness, one can see a contradiction here. What reason does someone who makes a distinct effort to avoid pride have to create a blog, something which tends to be (based on what little research I have done) focused on the self? I think that, though a contradiction is present, there is also opportunity. Specifically, I feel that an examination of my own life will hopefully help to show what it means to try and give up control of one's future, to acknowledge the fact that this life is not truly owned by the person living it. To clarify, this is an effort for me to explain how I live to myself as much as anyone else. So, with these things in mind, I say thank you for coming, and I hope that what you find here in the future will prove both encouraging and challenging.

With His love, and hopefully His grace,

Taylor