As my college career comes to a close, I've been doing more and more thinking about that "future" thing everyone seems so obsessed with. Thankfully, I seem to have gotten out of the stage in which I have no idea what I am going to do with my life after my time as an undergraduate. I have a fairly clear image of what the next step in my life is going to be, and I'm excited for that. Yes, it took me a long time to figure out what that next step was supposed to be, and to really feel sure of it, but it definitely feels good to have arrived at this place of knowing (to some extent).
I've been wondering recently, however, is this place of peace that I am in a good thing? Here I am, feeling like I've figured out this next step in my life. Yet the title of this blog (along with many other aspects of my faith) are screaming at me, telling me that I'm dangerously close to doing something very, very stupid.
Christians talk a lot about "answering the call". We like to think on these pivotal moments in our lives in which we pick up the proverbial God phone, hear what it is we are supposed to hear, and respond accordingly. Then we hang up. We figure we've listened as we are called to do, have in turn been rewarded by an image of what we are meant to do next, and so we run off, skipping and clapping and waving flags around.
Then something goes wrong. We didn't get the funding we needed (something that I am afraid of as I hopefully move off into this internship), the outcome wasn't what we were hoping for, what have you. We then start yelling "What the crap!" (or something to that effect) to anyone who will listen. We heard "the call", so why didn't everything end with a parade of unicorns accompanied by little children firing guns that shoot rainbows and bubbles?
I've seen this happen in my life more than once, and the only explanation that has made any sense to me is that I got impatient. It's easy to get overexcited to go out and do something, anything, especially at the end of a giant equipping period like college. We wait for so long that the first sign of clarity we receive that direct us towards something productive might as well be a giant bomb set off underneath us that launches us into a new wild and crazy adventure.
The problems with bombs is, once they go off, you can't really control them. We get shot off in a new direction and in our excitement we don't really pay too much attention to a lot of what if going on around us. It's also very hard to listen in the midst of an explosion.
The tricky thing about "the call" is that it isn't really a one time thing. I honestly believe that if God were to show me all that He had for me for my entire life, I would have run away screaming a long time ago, and I'm fairly certain that's true for all of us. He knows that, so He gives us pieces of our future, one at a time. Instead of the one gigantic call we like to think defines our entire life (and admittedly sometimes it can), I've found that God actually likes to have a conversation with us, guiding us step by step.
The issue with this for many of us (myself included) is that it isn't big and dramatic. Instead of a giant exciting explosion, the image we get for our lives is more like what we did in kindergarden, where we had that rope we held on to as we slowly moved forward. Also like kindergarden, there are a lot of shiny things that distract us, and we want to run and play with them, leaving the rope behind because, quite frankly, the rope can be boring at times. For certain periods in our life, God tells us to just sit there, holding the rope. We don't even get to walk anywhere, and our purpose seems no where to be found.
What do we do in these moments? We wait. Yes, we wait, but that doesn't mean we do nothing. Times in which we are seemingly left sitting on the playground holding a rope are there for a reason. For example, this last year of college, one in which I feel as though I have done (in a grand sense) very little, has been a time in which I am being dramatically equipped so that I am actually prepared to take the next step of my life.
So here I am, sitting on the ground, holding my rope. For those of you who feel like you are in the same place, my word of encouragement to you is that this time can be just as productive as when we are actively "doing something". Take this time of waiting as a blessing. Spend this time listening and looking for opportunities to grow so that we can be that much more faithful with the opportunities that we are inevitably going to be given.
With His love and hopefully His grace,
Taylor
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