I had a friend share an interesting word with me recently. Over breakfast, we were talking about something I had said to our congregation one Friday night. I don't remember all of the details of the conversation, but there was one which jumped out at me.
Quick background; I generally think of myself as a person who is fairly well liked. In fact, I struggle a lot with people not liking me. It has always been an issue for me, trying to avoid finding my worth solely in what other people think. Keep that in mind as you read the word that my friend shared with me.
"Some people just think of you as that skinny guy who talks a lot."
I think we all have some sort of image we try to put forward. Be it the confident leader, the enigmatic loner, the slightly-out-there bundle of fun, we all have something we want to put forward. For myself, if you took that first and last one and mash them together, I think you would gave something somewhat close to how I would like to be seen. In particular, I like it when people see me as someone who generally has something encouraging to say, who works to support our community by sharing what is on my heart. I like to think that God has made me a pretty articulate person, and I hope that I use that gift to enrich the lives of those with whom I live.
The idea of me being just another skinny guy who talks a lot doesn't really have a place in that ideal image of who I am. So how did it feel to receive this word from my friend? How did it feel to have what I think of as a unique and special identity condensed down and written off as a physical description, lightly sprinkled with a verb and a qualifier?
It felt absolutely wonderful, and I mean that in all honesty.
Before I go any further, I want to say to those who may think of me in this way (though I doubt you would be reading this) that I'm not mad. I think we all need people in our lives to help shrink our egos a bit, to remind us that not everything we say is so incredible that people are drawn to us like aquarium goers to a manatee (you know you can't help looking at them).
This ego shrinking is something which I think we all need more of in our lives. The trouble is, it isn't always easy to receive. In the spirit of full disclosure, it wasn't until recently that the healing has really occurred to allow me to receive this word as anything but a biting critique of all that I am. If I had heard this even at the beginning of this year (think school year not three weeks ago), I probably would have demanded names from my friend, then gone looking for each of these people in the hopes that I could heal my rift with them and in turn make them love me forever (which, in my mind back then, would have been the unavoidable result of that conversation). There would have been anger. There would have been pain. More importantly, there would have been desperation, a desperate drive to reaffirm my identity by ensuring that there were none who would speak ill of me.
There is plenty of scripture I could pull from at this point to drive home the danger of this line of thinking, but suffice to say, there is a fundamental flaw with trying to find our satisfaction in the opinion of others. The fact of the matter is that some people in this world are going to see us as idiots, as people who are so fundamentally wrong that there is no hope for us anymore. If you're looking to experience this, just go find an opinionated op-ed piece online and comment on it, then watch the ensuing firestorm as people who have never met you make you feel like less of a person.
This has been a harsh reality for me to come to terms with. I'll make no secret of the fact that I like to be liked. However, a couple very encouraging things have come from me being able to recognize that I won't be liked by everyone. First, I'm incredibly grateful for the supportive friends and family in my life. Knowing that there are people who see me as just another skinny talking guy makes me appreciate those who really care for me all the more.
The second major thing that came from this realization, and I think easily the most important, was a reminder. A reminder that, though there will be people in this world who run the gambit from loving me to not really knowing I exist to hating all that I am, I'm called to love everyone. Not just tolerate, but love. There will be those who scorn us in this life, those who seek to belittle us and cause us pain. It is in the moments which they choose to do this that showing them all the grace that we have to offer can have a greater impact than we could ever imagine.
With His love and hopefully His grace,
Taylor
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